Film 012 - Zombie Death House

(1987, colour, 90 mins)

Director - John Saxon

Starring - John Saxon, Dennis Cole, Anthony Franciosa, Dana Lis Mason

Let's face it: when a film's called Zombie Death House you're not exactly expecting The Godfather. You're expecting, at best, some gory deaths and some hilariously cheesy acting. Thankfully, this delivers on both counts.

The film's first half-hour would have you believe you'd mistakenly bought a cheesy '80s action movie instead. The lead character Derek (a Vietnam war veteran and all-round hero) has been framed and sent to death row for a crime he didn't commit. So far so straightforward.

The problem is, the prison he's been sent to is also home to a dodgy science experiment being conducted by the government. They're testing a highly dangerous drug on the inmates, but when they start turning into zombies the prison is quarantined, leaving Derek and some of the people he meets along the way (including the expected love interest) trying to find a way out.

What ensues is a lot of atrocious acting, a lot of hilarious "tense" moments which are about as scary as a hamster sneezing, and a lot of stupidly gory deaths which tend to bump the funny bone rather than churn the stomach.

The key moment for me is the world's slowest decapitation, performed by a Jamaican zombie who seems to put his victim in a sleeper hold and slowly ease their head off.

Zombie Death House is complete rubbish, but it's fun rubbish. It's worth a watch if you want to be entertained for 90 minutes, but don't expect to be putting it alongside The Shawshank Redemption in your list of favourite prison movies.

Check out the trailer below, under the film's original title of Death House, which promises nothing to do with zombies at all. Imagine the shock people got when they expected a rubbish prison movie and got a rubbish prison movie with extra deadly Jamaican sleeper holds.

3.5 out of 5

Film 011 - Hamlet 2

(2008, colour, 92 mins)

Director - Andrew Fleming

Starring - Steve Coogan, Skylar Astin, Phoebe Strole, Catherine Keener, David Arquette, Elisabeth Shue

I feel sorry for Steve Coogan. He's done loads of great films and TV shows but he'll always be remembered as Alan Partridge no matter what he does for the rest of career. Yes, Partridge will always be the best thing he's ever done, but it overshadows his other great roles in the likes of Coogan's Run, The Parole Officer, The Day Today, Dr Terrible's House Of Horrible, Saxondale, 24 Hour Party People... the list goes on.

Unfortunately for Coogan, he'll always be Alan Partridge to us: his recent role in Tropic Thunder did nothing to suggest otherwise and neither will his performance, enjoyable it may be, in Hamlet 2 (which I watched on Region 1 DVD but will be in UK cinemas this February).

Coogan plays Dana Marschz, a drama teacher at an American high school who dreams of one day being recognised as a serious artist. Each year directs plays based on popular movies, which are met with little to no reaction from the local community. With the school making cutbacks to save money Dana is told that the drama department is set to be axed after the current term, so he decides to go all out and write an original play, one which he hopes will be so enthralling he'll save the department while winning himself acclaim as a true artist in the process.

Unfortunately the play he writes is "Hamlet 2", a sequel to Shakespeare's classic tragedy. Despite the fact that everyone died in Hamlet, this new sequel sees Hamlet stepping into a time machine and stopping everyone else from dying, but not before encountering Jesus and bringing him to the present day. With songs like "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" and "Raped In The Face" the play gets attention for all the wrong reasons, and Dana finds himself in a fight to get his play shown.

Hamlet 2 is as ridiculous as it sounds. Coogan does a good job in the lead role, though it's off-putting to watch him talking in an American accent. Some of the other characters are rather forgettable (a few of the students in the class are just latino stereotypes and David Arquette gets paid money for delivering almost no dialogue throughout the whole film), but in general the cast gets the job done well.

Although the main storyline (the production and eventual performance of the play) is entertaining stuff, the other sub-plot - in which Dana struggles at home to keep his wife satisfied - is almost free of comedy or drama, and feels like it's just been put in there to extend the running time: especially when the sub-plot ends abruptly with an unsatisfactory conclusion.

That said, the goods far outweigh the bads and the play itself is hilarious stuff, with genuinely catchy musical numbers (you'll be humming "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" for days afterward) and ridiculous moment after ridiculous moment.

For a daft comedy with solid laughs and generally good performances all round, you could do a lot worse than Hamlet 2.

3 out of 5